So...why are you single?

Good question, maybe. We will see. So, I've been asked the question "why am I single" and it feels like a milestone and counting, when I consider how many times I've been asked this question throughout my dating years. Often times, my reply was simple. Either I'd just broken up with someone, couldn't find someone or simply the timing wasn't right. And depending upon how you were asked or who asked you, one my reply, "single by choice."

Its true. Most single people are single by choice. Nothing big about that. Anyone could have something just to have "it" for the most part. But, I must talk about the other times where I've been asked this question in an insulting or disrespectful way. These are the times where, while answering, I smile and am gladdened that I am single.

See, turning 30 to me meant a change in a lot of venues in my life. One being relationships and the process by which I deal with a woman, whether it be short term or long term, serious or friendship. I've never been a big fan of disrespect and or insults and I've always demanded to be treated like a "man" in this regard, with respect being top priority.

However, I notice that with age, comes better social treatment. People no longer address me as they would a teenager or twenty-something individual. As I've aged, I've noticed more "misters'' coming out of people's mouths when addressing me. I've also noticed the "mister" in myself and the way I will be treated and wish to treat others. So, now Mr. Myron can answer why he is single in an authorative way.

Mr. Myron notices that there is a culture of disrespect that shadows African American boys, young men and men. And I wont use this time to blame society. I won't use this time to say it's black women's fault. However, the perpetuation or the "carrying out of disrespect" belongs to all of those who participate in this disrespect. I've noticed the look that black youth are given upon entering places. I've noticed and on occasion have seen/witnessed the degradation and social negging that elders of all races have given young black men. And many times I have seen/witnessed this disrespect at the hands of the young ladies that I chose to date.

The loud talking. The rants and raves. The voice raising in public to humiliate someone. The eye rolling when disagreeing. The down talking. The overall attitude of looking at someone as if they don't belong or are beneath you. I've experienced all of this and more, as a young man in many relationships (and believe this has nothing to do with good guy vs. thug or weak man vs. strong man). I've seen and witnessed the way in which women would treat a man they'd respect (by way of age or command) and then treat me to the opposite as if I wasn't a man.

However, now I speak and act with clarity as I am no longer a target nor participant in this bafoonery. I'm not in the status quo of those seeking to be treated as less than a man. Hey, I never have and never will find pleasure in being treated as the lowest common denominator in a relationship. If a woman is looking for that, I know where to direct her. Try those that wear pants and show their underwear. Try those itching to just sex you up and down, with no merit (especially the desperate dudes). Try those needing a handout of some sorts. These are all viable options for perpetuate-rs of lack of respect for themselves and these are the kind of individuals that will fit the mold for a relationship of that sorts.

Now, Mr. Myron speaks. I single. I am happy and single. And I do have choices and options like anyone else. Nothing to brag about in the adult world. However, I am single because I won't participate in the culture of disrespect that many think is masculine. It's not. I don't want to be chosen because I'm easy. No, see me as a man. There is a way you approach and speak to a man, and hey he will do the same back. Men do things differently. Please, do yourself a favor and follow suit. It's called respect and everyone deserves it, in the adult world.

It's not an insult to be single. It's not an insult to not have any choices or options. However, it is an insult when men are not viewed as men. It is an insult when men choose to behave in the lowest fashion. It is an insult when others push these views and ideas of silly, ignorant young men...on men that clearly do not participate. If you ask why I am single, I will say: "look at the news, look on the music videos, look on TV, look around your neighborhood...observe." If you catch yourself projecting ideals of immature men and hoodlum-itus on me, than that is why.

40-50 year old men don't have this problem, as they have marks of distinction that clarify their masculinity. However, men who haven't yet crossed that visual need to be viewed in the same light. It's not a visual thing solely. It's also a mental thing. Masculinity is also about aura, charisma and respect.

So, Mr. Myron...why are you single? I choose to be respected first and foremost and that is not always what I experience with the opposite sex. Let's change this from all angles. Peace